Guest Post: HIV Testing – Not just for singles anymore!

My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years. We have 2 children, a mortgage, a life together. We share a car and we both work more-than-full-time jobs.  And we both get tested for HIV a couple of times a year.

Many people are shocked when I tell them that.  “But if you’re both faithful…why bother?”

Knowing what I know, having worked in HIV for the last 10 years, I used to answer with scary statistics, like:

•    Every 12 seconds, someone, somewhere is infected with HIV;
•    The average HIV medication regimen costs in the neighborhood of $18,000 a year;
•    1 in 300 Americans is infected with HIV. 25% don’t know it; and
•    HIV is growing fastest in the Southeastern United States, and over half of new infections are among women.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned – people only stay scared for so long.  First they rationalize it away.  “I’m not a prostitute, so I’m not at risk.”  “I don’t shoot drugs, so I’m not one of them.”  “I make sure I know a man’s middle name before I sleep with him, so I’m not one of those people!” “I only date a certain kind of person, someone who would never be unsafe!” As pointless as those rationalizations are, they are also dangerous.

The only way a person knows his or her status for sure is an HIV test, conducted more than 2 weeks after their last unprotected encounter or needle share (in NC! In other states, you’re looking at 3 months or more after a possible exposure for an accurate test!) (And, once a person has unprotected sex or shares a needle again, their status goes back to “unknown!”)

Eventually, that all sounds like a lot of trouble and nothing bad happens and they forget how scared they were when I told them all these statistics, and, human nature being what it is, people tend to go back to their old ways, only vaguely wondering why my husband and I bother with testing if we are both faithful.

Well, the truth is this. No one knows what another person does every minute of every day. Most people are tempted. Most people have pasts. Most people are very good at justifying behavior to themselves and finding ways to avoid ‘fessing up “mistakes” to their partners. Have you heard any of these?
“It was just once.”
“It was an ex so it doesn’t count towards my number.”
“I’ll live with the guilt – telling him will make me feel better, but my partner will feel awful, and he doesn’t deserve that.”

I trust my husband. I love him. I have no doubt that he loves and trusts me.

But getting tested gives us both peace of mind.  Knowing my HIV status is a health issue, and my health is my responsibility – and no one can take charge of that for me but me.

Being aware of our HIV status makes the sex between us is hotter, more intimate, less restricted because we both know we are both negative.  We can have safe sex without condoms – we can experience the fullness of intimacy, we can dive into sex headfirst with all our senses in play – sight, sound, touch, taste, smell – and not have nagging doubts about disease.

People cheat – men, women, gay, straight, married, partnered, single, dating – people are people, and people are tempted.  While some couples use fidelity (or doubts about fidelity) as a conversation killer when testing comes up, I find it much more productive to use testing as a tool to bring people closer, strengthen bonds, and heat up the bedroom.  Or the kitchen. Or the woods out back…hmmmm.

Shannon Warren
Program Director
Regional HIV/AIDS Consortium

###

For more information about HIV and HIV testing, give me a call at the Regional HIV/AIDS Consortium, 704-531-2467 x 14 or email me at shannonw@regionalconsortium.org.

Or…follow us on Twitter – www.twitter.com/hivaidsclt

The Sexual Self of Young Adult Cancer Survivors

Would you like to contribute to research in the area of Sex and Cancer? Sage Bolt, MSW, LCSW, OSW-C is conducting research on this topic as part of her PhD degree in Social Work, and she needs 500 people to take her online survey (250 young adult survivor responses, and 250 healthy peer responses).

Purpose

The purpose of this research is to learn how the young adult cancer survivor’s sexual life may have been impacted by cancer and its treatments in comparison to healthy peers.

This study is trying to answer two questions.

1. Does cancer and its treatments impact the sexual life of young adult survivors compared to their healthy peers?

2. Does the way young adult cancer survivors think about their sexual life influence their overall quality of life?

Who qualifies?

• Young adults between the ages of 18 and 40, within two to five years of their initial diagnosis (allowing for individuals who have recurrent or metastatic disease).
• Young adults, with no history of cancer, between the ages 18 and 40.

Still interested?

Go to http://vovici.com/wsb.dll/s/15326g3c37c to begin the survey.

Dads Influence Teens’ Sexual Behavior

Studies have shown that when teens have good relationships with their moms, they are more likely to delay first sexual intercourse, have less partners, and have safer sex.

A new study shows that dads are even more important in the equation — they have twice the influence of moms when it comes to reducing risky teen sex.

When teens have parents who are present in their lives, they have more support to make healthy decisions.

SAR in San Francisco

June 27th through July 4th, 2009 –

The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality will be conducting the 49th Sexual Attitude Restructuring program, as originally designed by the National Sex Forum. SAR is an intense learning event designed for people who are working in the field of Sexology or who wish to better understand their own sexuality and that of others. It is a program dedicated to fulfilling the need for advanced training in human sexuality and incorporating instructions in safer sex practices. SAR provides innovative and practical information, training and skills necessary for more competent, sensitive, professional and personal functioning.

Registration is $775 per person, $1,400 per couple on a space available basis. For further information contact: DrThomasGertz@aol.com

The INSTITUTE for Advanced Study of HUMAN SEXUALITY
1523 Franklin Street
San Francisco, CA 94109

Phone: 415/928-1133, Ext 33

Take Your Responsibility for Your Libido

You have to take some responsibility for your own libido and help out a little. For instance:

•    Talk about what you like. Do you prefer to be touched here but you cringe when you are touched there? Do you want to have sex more often? Less often? Talk about it. Remember, no one can read your mind.

•    Surprise your lover—and yourself! Every now and then, break out of your comfort zone. Be the one to initiate sex. Wear something (or nothing) totally unexpected in an unexpected setting.

•    Practice. The tissues of your vulva, vagina and clitoris, as well as your pelvic muscles, need regular circulation and exercise to be their best. Practicing with pelvic floor muscle or Kegel exercises, masturbating regularly and using vibrators and fantasy to improve physical arousal all can increase blood flow and keep your genital area healthy and responsive, improving orgasm and lovemaking.

© 2009 National Women’s Health Resource Center, Inc. (NWHRC) All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission from the NWHRC. 1-877-986-9472 (toll-free). On the Web at: www.healthywomen.org.

Upcoming Sexual Health Workshops

Joan Sughrue MEd, BSN, RN, an AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist from the Atlanta area, will be in Charlotte to offer two days of extensive workshops.

THE BASICS OF SEXUAL ANATOMY and PHYSIOLOGY
and
MEDICAL/HEALTH FACTORS AFFECTING SEXUAL FUNCTION

Friday, June 19, 2009

SEXUAL ATTITUDE REASSESSMENT (SAR) WORKSHOP

Saturday, June 20, 2009

WHAT IS A SAR? (Sexual Attitude Reassessment)
The Sexual Attitude Reassessment Seminar (SAR) is a process-oriented, structured group experience to promote participants’ awareness of their attitudes and values related to sexuality, and to assist them in understanding how these attitudes and values affect them professionally and personally.

Learn more and Register on Joan’s website RelationshipTherapy.net

April is STD Awareness Month

This recent article from WebMD highlights the way that our sexual partners have a large influence on our risk of contracting a Sexually Transmitted Disease.

If you need more information about STDs or need support, Sensovi offers E-Coaching appointments in our office or online or over the phone.

Beware of Sexual Partners

Study: Your Sexual Partner’s Activities Predict Your STD Risk Better Than Your Own

By Caroline Wilbert WebMD Health News

April 10, 2009 — The phrase “sleeping with the enemy” has a whole new meaning. A new study shows that a sexual partner’s activities may have more to do with whether or not you gets an STD than your own behavior. Participants in the study included 412 black and white men and women ages 15 to 24 who attended an urban STD clinic in Pittsburgh. All reported having had heterosexual sex. Each year, roughly 19 million people in the U.S. contract a sexually transmitted disease, says the CDC. About half are between the ages of 15 and 24. Researchers measured six characteristics to gauge the risk of a sexual partner:

• The partner had a problem with marijuana or alcohol.
• The partner was at least five years older or younger.
• The partner had been in jail.
• The partner had had sex with other people in the past year.
• The partner had had an STD in the past year.

Study participants were asked about their sexual characteristics and their partners’ characteristics. Among those whose partners’ activities were labeled as high risk, 53% were diagnosed with an STD. Among those whose own behavior was labeled as high risk, 38% were diagnosed with an STD. The riskiest characteristics were age difference and if the partner had had an STD in the past year. “If you are choosing high-risk partners, you are much more likely to have an STD, even when we account for your condom-use patterns,” Stephanie A.S. Staras, lead author and an assistant professor of epidemiology and health policy research in the University of Florida College of Medicine, says in a written statement. “The theory is simple: You need to have sex with someone who has an STD to get an STD. Based on the prevalence of STDs in the United States, it seems like the public may not fully understand their risk.”

“ESW has completely changed me”

A member of E-Sensual Woman recently wrote in her diary:

ESW has completely changed me and I am so thankful. I still have a long way to go but I am on my way.

What a wonderful sentiment. Acknowledging growth and change, but mindful that the journey continues.

E-Sensual Woman is an online program for women who want to more fully embrace their sensuality and sexuality. Dr. Lisa Terrell and Becky Knight guide participants through Modules, offering insight and encouragement along each step.

Some women join because they want to learn to orgasm, some are overcoming painful intercourse, and some are healing from a painful sexual past, and some are in E-Sensual Woman because they want to learn more about sex and engage more deeply with their partner.

If you are interested in learning more about E-Sensual Woman, we invite you to join now and get 14 days of free access to the program. In that time, you should be able to make it through the first few modules and you’ll know if the program is right for you. If you continue on, it’s only a small subscription fee per month.

UPDATE: The new free trial is for the first Module. After completing Module 1 (out of 10 total), you can decide if the program is right for you. If you want to continue, simply become a monthly subscriber!

Sex After Kids – Love in the Time of Colic

March is National Endometriosis Awareness Month

“Endometriosis affects more than 10 million women in the United States.  Every woman with endometriosis is affected in a different way; some experience pain, others infertility, others problems with their periods, and some have no symptoms at all.  Endometriosis occurs when the tissue which normally lines the inside of the uterus (womb) is found in other parts of the body, most commonly in the pelvis.

Currently there is no cure for endometriosis.”

However, there is information and support available through a number of online resources. There are also numerous research studies that you can participate in and help to advance understanding of this disease.

If you are looking for help regarding the impact that Endometriosis is having on your sex life, contact Sensovi Institute, which offers in-office and online counseling, coaching and classes for women dealing with a variety of sexual health concerns, including Endometriosis.

source: End to Endo